i know love

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i know the tough kind of love.
i know love through anger.
i know love through harsh words
that screamed care underneath.

i know aggressive love;
like being kicked in the ass
instead of hugged
when my brother thought
they lost me
in a foreign country.

i know love
when my mother
grabbed my hand
a little too tightly
when i pretended
to jump off the bridge.

i know love
that has no words.
i know love
that manipulates.
i know love
that lies.

i know conditional love.
i know love
that isn’t soft.
i know love
that isn’t gentle.
i know love
that isn’t tender.

i know love…

but not the kind
that my heart needs.